Rain....No 200 entry... 2007....

Its winter in Singapore.. I love the weather but I detest the wettness that come with the coldness that I love... For many days it had either be raining non-stop for at least 2 days in a row... or the sky is groomy in grey. It fit the chritsmas mood, althought there is no snow in singapore, but the rain looks like snow flakes just that its wet!

Thanks girls for the christmas night at Timbre, enjoy the night and its my first time spending christmas with friends that I truely want to spend with and not because I have to be there for a friend birthday. However, I don't mean that I don't like to be at my friend birthday.... just that I don't like who I saw in her birthday...

Another 3 more days and it end of 2006, and this entry has been mine 200 entries for the past 2 years (din't knew that I wrote so much)... if I really have to read through it I can say that for 2 years I have not been happy or should I say truely happy... prehaps 10% out of 90%.

I had promised myself 2007 is going to be my rebirth- not only that I'm getting a new face, its going to be a new me. Like a angel trying to spread its wing, I decided to shed that torn wing which still attached to my back and grow up. Its time to walk this big step of my life, I decide to GROW UP- change my lifestyle, change MYSELF, change EVERYTHING. So much things to catch up now, when one stop growing...

Okay! what have I recieve on christmas? Thanks for the blessing that Unice brought it back from Japan, the photo frame from xin, cosmetic bag from Gk, and wind chime that reminds me of all the night that I spend woth gayle. And, what I gave myself for christmas!~!~ I spent $300 on myself and brought only 2 things: a Ax belt- glitter glitter!~!~ and a blouse designed by a japanese designer for puma called Yashuhiro miharu. The min. I saw that blouse is love at first sight, madly wanted after I tried it on.... they say they only have one piece per size (no idea is it true or not) but who cares, I got to have it!!!~!~!~ I always believe spending money is the most happiest thing to do. wahaha that day I'm really happy to get something I like but of coz burn a big hole this festive season.... boohohhho... all pocketmoney have to cut cut cut!!!! Went to Gucci and saw one bag that I wanted to get also $1330!! Very ex ah, my mum ask me to ask my uncle daughter to help me go europe and buy, maybe can think about it ba... need to save money mummy, I want to go for my holiday again... shhhhhhhhhh dont tell her I'm diving again. Next stop, krabi at Thailand. ke ke but of coz that will be in April!!! Someone please turn the clock faster!!~!~ ke ke

Yesterday went KTV and this is the first time that I brought Kids along!!~!~ Promise a few kids that i will bring them out for fun because one of them is going away to Aus for good. So I told gayle that we bring to watch a movie, thats what limited stuff kids can do sia, but in the end we brought them to KTV. No idea was it a mistake of what but in the end we had so much fun as one of the kid is TONE DEATH@@~!~!~ No matter how we teach him, he still cant sing. We have a good laugh watching the kids sing and dance. ke ke after the kids went home, left us the adult continue singing and we kept singing till4am in the morning.... thoat pain lah... never have I sang so much english song in my entire ktv session.

The date has set....

17 January 2007 is the start of my transformation.... going to look super super ugly for at least 2weeks (I won't be able to eat much only liqure diet) and 3rd week prehaps the swell will go down much more and I can go out of the house....

3 parts of my jaw will be operate on:
1. lower jaw bone will be broken to shift it in... and because of my STUPID dentist that shifted too much of my lower jaw out... which I'm super pissed!!!
2. I have to shift out my upper jaw to compensate...
3. plus my acute chin bone... looking at the x-ray its almost like 45degree outward... she has to remove one more teeth to shift it back in... she is still thinking to opt out this surgery if possible... *pray hard* hope she opt this 3rd surgery out... lesser pain to go through.

Total time spend: at least 5hours in the operation table... 4 days in ward... 1 month of MC... 3 months to heal!!!

At the back of my mind... I start to regret... why in the first place did I say YES!!!! Reason: I always hated my chin...its too sharp and always people laugh at it like a witch chin.... so after this operation from an almond face.. I will get a slightly rounded face.... but I have to give and take... the doc say my nose will be slighly stretch!! what does stretch means...... hope it will look positive.

I will post up my photo before my opeartion... and after recovery....wish me luck!~~


Today.. I woke up gasping for air... I dream of T... althought I can't remember what is it.. but I know is something unpleasant... my heart was heavy, in fact the whole day I was trying to lighten up my mood by going shopping and buying gifts for friends. Got Gk a wrist band which one day I went shopping with her and she wanted to get one but was out of stock, got gayle a pen that I got a landyard to tie it up so that she can bring out for shoot and wont lost it, got a namecard holder for gift exchange, got nails colors for unice that comes with those nail buffer which I remember she wanted to get also, and a lipbum for xin. For me, I got myself a 2000 rosechan which I have hard time arranging the person to send it to me!!!!! damn it! I'm suppose to recieve it as a christmas present lor! Despite all these, I'm trying my best............

Get to know this person online and have been chatting lately with him... he has a dying cousin and she is only 12 years old.... very sad to hear that (be it true or not)... she told him that she still have a lot of things that she wanted to do... I guess no one really know when is going to be their last day alive... but I guess many of us still thinks that life is still long ahead of us, many things can wait... prehaps today is going to you last day, will you regret that there is still many things you yet to say, do or done? Wanted to call A to wish him a happy 30th birthday... but I have forgotten his number... happy birthday... and may you be happy...

Lost in time....

Time passed in a blink of an eye and I hardly notice it.... PG ended 3months ago and I felt it was last month till XX came down to singapore for the SA told me it has been 3months since she left. Yesterday, my friends told me its the last weekend before christmas and asked me wanted to do midnight shopping? Only then that I realise christmas is next week and soon 2006 is coming to an end.... I remember during the same period last year, I was just an intern doing the BYT...now I'm the LP for the second season of BYT.... this whole year what have I done? I seriously can't remember... but for what I know... it did pass away very fast without me feeling abit of drag... I have been running and running non-stop for this whole year... been throught alot, lost alot of things along the way, including myself.... but till now I hardly have the time to stop to find it back... why only when I'm in here I will felt the tiredness that has been building inside me... feel so much as to cry out loud... is there any one out there that who can save me.... is there any where I can rest my tired feet down...
I have met the surgeon... and will only know what she will be doing to me next week... felt scared... but no one seems to have time to accompany me... asked mum but she told me she will be busy as it going to be the last week before closing... she told me to ask my uncle to go with me... but I do not want to bother him about this... I will learn to be strong, I will face this journey myself.....
Chirstmas is coming and I hated it... althought I have been humming christmas song... but deep down I hate it... I think I will just grab a few dvds and cook myself a nice dinner, switch off my mobile and be with myself... I just want to be alone this christmas.... do not want to know that its christmas and why I hated it... never in my 10 years I had enjoyed my christmas... this year is no exception also...

Evanescence, always my fav band....

Lithium....

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh but God I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh but God I want to let it go.




The Only One

When they all come crashing down, midflight,
You know you're not the only one.
When they're so alone they find a back door out of life.
You know you're not the only one.

We're all grieving,
Lost and bleeding.

All our lives,
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader.
All your lies,
I'm not believing.
Heaven shine a light down on me.

So afraid to open your eyes, hypnotized.
You know you're not the only one that never understood this life.
And you're right, I don't deserve you but you know I'm not the only one.

We're all grieving,
Lost and bleeding.

All our lives,
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader.
All your lies,
I'm not believing.
Heaven shine a light down on me.

Don't look down,
Don't look into the eyes of the world beneath you.
Don't look down, you'll fall down,
You'll become their sacrifice.

Right or wrong.
Can't hold onto the fear that I'm lost without you.
If I can't feel, I'm not mine,
I'm not real.

All our lives,
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader.
All your lies,
I'm not believing,
Heaven shine a light down on me



All That I'm Living For

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.

I can feel the night beginning.
Separate me from the living.
Understanding me,
After all I've seen.
Piecing every thought together,
Find the words to make me better.
If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

I believe that dreams are sacred.
Take my darkest fears and play them
Like a lullaby,
Like a reason why,
Like a play of my obsessions,
Make me understand the lesson,
So I'll find myself,
So I won't be lost again.

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,
To be the one.
I could have run forever,
But how for would I have come
Without mourning your love?

All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Should I lock the last open door,
My ghosts are gaining on me.

God Bless Her

Saw the wedding photo of one my ex colleague, finally she is married!~!~ God bless this beautiful couple. Her photographer is great, beautiful picture he/she had taken- simple, yet beautifully composite. Plus, her new set of teeth, sure worth the money she spend. I can't wait for mine to be done also.

Going to see the dental surgene this coming tuesday but I guess I have to call to change the appointment as I was called to assist my director on the HD pickup shoot. Actually, part of me is excited to meet the dental surgene, well since I have come this far after a year ago when I decided to do my braces. Part of me i'm scared.... sacred of the after pain... scared of the hospital... scared to being alone. Called my mum that day once I know my appointment to check she is free to accompany me on that day. Ke ke, my mum always so funny. She asked is it i'm scared. Well I said, Not really just need a company in case the doctor scares me. ke ke. And she said, I think you are the one who is more likely to scare the doctor. Ke ke. I guess there is nothing to fear anyway, ke ke. I always believe life and death is all fated.

Was in the office in the afternoon and we are all discussing about our dive trip next year, april. My friends are going up the cebu during february and was showing us the place they will be staying. The forgetful of me, decided to show them the beautiful palawan I had been... stir some emotion out of me... J said that its so ex and asked me where the hell I got that money to go. I said, was from my ex bf of mine. J said such a nice guy to really spend that amount of money, should have stayed. I said, he is a piece of jerk.... jerk or not no longer matters, as most memory was either faded away or lock behind... suddenly all these makes me put a stop... have I been working so hard with all these projects on hand that most part of me is no longer me? I think I am.... for the past few months I have been living in a dream world, making magic out of the black box... the power to create overwhelm me... I love that power as each time I improve a little, and each time people appreciate the things I created, and seeing it on tv makes it even more happier.... that sometime I have no idea what kind of life am I living? Have not seen any of my friends for weeks, except my colleagues. Colleague become the main part of my life, day and night we see each other- having lunch, having dinner, even massage... I want a break, once u jam break in this journey, one will just feel exhausted..... looking forward to January... a break?

Rain!~!~

Recently, i'm abit craze about RAIN aka BI. Partially he is coming to singapore for his world tour!~! Ah!~~ but his concert is a mega killer the cheapest is $188!!! *faint* but look at his body, his dance *faint faint* especially his body, its a killer!~! ah!~!~ selling point his body... women always have a soft spot for lean body!~~! ke ke I wish I have that extra money to go and see him!~!~ Ah!~!~~!~~~ *faint faint* Did anyone notice that I keep talking about his body?? Hahahah I'm just attracted to his body nia!~!~ wahhahaha




Recently gayle asked me what type of guy I like... ke ke ... 1st type: guy with body... thats why I got so attracted by AP's body... he has the body that I wanted my man to have...a body that fit the clothes I like my man to wear...everytime when I saw AP and the way he dress, oh man it brighten up my day just to see him and not forgetting he is a humble man sia... always a pleasure to work with him, thanking us every time after the shoot, showing genuie concern about you... ke ke but well God is fair, you can't have all the beauty of all, great body but ugly face.... ke ke 2nd type: guy with fang teeth and i'm talking about two fangs... which one of my cameraman SS has it.. ke ke no idea why those set of teeth attract me also... remind me of vampires... ke ke

Shinkirou by Loveholic

Translated lyric.... beautiful song... no idea the translated version is correct as its different from its anime translation... which i find it very meaningful

Version 1
The secrets of in a dream talk
It will encounter and the field
It buys a forgiveness percentage
Sick your features inside greeting
The close relatives tus it closes, position eye color
The assistance which takes it is not
It hides fishily and it holds and the promise I never knew, which gets sick

The dream which will not be the water service which it will turn round
It fades, position my memories
Also the pain comes to be dull, it throws away and the heart which breaks
Other my soul which throws away only is cool, the position lump of ash
Wound a tear ha. which it kicks full

So tell me.. tell me.. the reason why...
How can you do this to me
You break my heart
And you make me cry

The last moonlight which is not expression
Quality in the vindications which pretend
Trace it disappeared without
Board width warm You'll never know

In the pain inside which is not end
It leaves and position after being late, the sliced raw fish
Meaning will disappear without and the flower of the love which will go

So tell me.. tell me.. the reason why..
How can you do this to me..
You break my heart..
And you make me cry..

Version 2 (shorter verison that is in the anime)
Tell me the secrets of your dreams
The sadness that we faced
An empty promise that faded away
I never knew
Dreams that cannot turn back
My memories that became blurry
A broken hear that blunted even the pain
My burned soul is now in ashes
Tears filled with pain
So tell me tell me the reason why
How can you do this to me
You break my heart and you make me cry
So tell me tell me the reason why
How can you do this to me
You break my heart and you make me cry